November 16th, 2007
pity me! POSTED AT 05:49 PM I was on my way to a repair shop to have my most decent shoes sewn up when I decided to just check the status of my job applications. I wasn't overcome by a sudden bout of laziness, no. I took a second, this time hard look at my shoes and realized that there's no point in having them mended because, well, they are worn out. Beyond repair. So here I am in an internet shop, wasting away. I realized I am alone. I am alone, yes, and that has become a crisp, clear thought. Joe is my family, and maybe I am his, but how foolish of me to forget he is a son, too! And he has a mom who doesn't want me, who probably dreams of her son every night, and crying in her sleep for what has happened to him. She had big dreams for him - to go on trips after graduation, to work abroad -, dreams that went kaput that night he told her of the incident. And she bore witness to the sacrifices her son made for this bitch who stole his heart from her, and it broke her heart. And now, now that Ysa's a year old and her son has gotten back on track she is going for the kill - break the bitch's heart, as much as the bitch broke hers, strutting around her house, being adored by her son. Little by little, she knows, it will wear off. Starting today, a harmless little trip to a play, then to a fancy restaurant with fancy food. Because the bitch can't give her son that, and that's what her son wants. And maybe soon, but I hope not, this famous-in-the-family line from my aunt's husband: "Wag sana tayong darating sa puntong pamimiliin mo ako sa pagitan mo at nanay ko." I hope I'm being paranoid. Listening to: launchcast radio Feeling: like whimpering 2 comments
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November 17th, 2007
POSTED AT 12:51 PM ...Kung malayo ka na This morning on MYX I chanced upon Sugarfree and heard snippets of their song which reminded me of my desire to erase my Friendster account. Yes, you heard that. Erase my Friendster account. I know there really is no connection but hey, a person is entitled to random associations! See I realized that by holding on to my account I am actually forced to deal with the past. Like, every so often I get a message from a non-friend asking about how I am and telling me how cute my baby is and stuff like that. And I grit my teeth because hey, I know the likes of her/(them)! They are the kind of people who yak about you once you reply, or else tell everybody else about your married status and the tremendous weight you've lost and a baby at 22. (rolls eyes) And I don't need any of that. I-AM-FINE. Like I have told Bechay countless times, I have a great, albeit small group of friends whom I love and I know love me; a wonderful husband; a cuuuuuuuute daughter; and a loving family. Now is my time to create a new life for myself. Not everybody is entitled to news about what is hapening to me. There's just too many skeletons in my Friendster closet. However, I haven't gathered enough courage to actually do the unspeakable act. Years' worth of testimonials, hundreds of contacts lost.... GIVE ME UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR. Oh, and Joe and I are out gright now on a mission: go to Greenhills and buy a PS2. Yey! Listening to: Sway (LSS oh mymymy) |
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The horror....... the horrrrroooooorrrrr!!!!!November 20th, 2007
Wilma Flintstone is so much better. POSTED AT 04:25 PM A step towards independence is always hard. Joe has taken a mini-step; he's on a weaning process, lucky him. Lucky to have the courage to step out of our cramped quarters, hostage to grand dreams, and, perhaps, each other. I haven't gotten out. I envy him that way. Growing up, my mother often told me I should not live within song lyrics, sad movies, and my emotions. She saw through me; or maybe more than once she witnessed breakdowns triggered by rainfall, or the evening chill, or a sad line. I lived that way all my life, see. One song after the other, one line at a time. I paid no attention to my mom, because I didn't know what could happen. I was young, and I often joked that my ' episodes' are side-effects of my high IQ (geniuses and mentally challenged people tread the same line, don't they?). I am excessively romantic, not surprisingly, and unfortunately. I have categorically considered it a vice, and one that should be outgrown, if I want our relationship to work. But man, IT IS SO DAMN HARD! I am struggling with the thought of getting out. And people think I'm so much the extrovert! To be honest, I don't have a life outside my mini-world. I know I should have one I am my Joe's catty princess, but I cannot stay atop a pedestal, with him looking up all the time. And there's so much grown-up insight there, I'm finding it difficult to comprehend.
Reading: Job ads Feeling: squishy |
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November 23rd, 2007
update update POSTED AT 07:30 PM I am invited for an interview tomorrow. I haven't confirmed just yet. I'm so much the coward. I hope I won't go brain-numb easily in a call center. Waaah. I'm really scared, moreso because interview invitations are pouring in, and I can't delay getting a job any further. Oh and I would just like to say that I am so stupid for buying a "cedula" from a fixer stationed outside the NBI building last Wednesday when I applied for a clearance. My goodness, I am so naive! To think I believe I've wisened up after more than 5 years of living in the NCR... Sigh. As for the clearance, although I know I am not a criminal, nor have I ever been arrested or indicted, I am still scared of what will turn up on Monday. What if somebody got me involved in a crime? What if I became the victim of a frame-up?!?!? I am in a mini-mini-mall right now, killing time while waiting for 2 pieces of supermarket chicken to be grilled. It's my sis-in-law's birthday, see, and Joe said it would be nice if we added to dinner. To clarify, the sis-in-law I'm talking about is SURELY not the one I hate. Hehehe. |
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